A week of deep introspection
This is a week of deep introspection for me as memories come to mind and are being processed. This time, I feel ready to share more as I move along the feelings in hopes it can help you in your own experience of life.
6 years ago, as I was going through the most challenging time of my life - I went for lunch in a café near the NICU. The questions I had in my head at the time were: Should I look up or down? Should I believe or doubt? Should I let myself cry tears of hope or get lost in despair? Should I focus on what I have or what’s missing? And as I was creating this gigantic list of questions in my head I had no answers to - this music started to play in the café: "Love Is The Answer" by Aloe Blacc. It's a beautiful song.
I decided to understand this as a sign, to see an answer to the questions that had been popping up in my head since the beginning. That song gave me hope. Music has such power!
And even if the questions kept rushing all over my mind with a mix of continuous hope and despair as we had no certainty and were living by the minute. Even if things didn’t turn out as we had planned. Even if things eventually didn’t turn out as we had imagined - this song became my mantra.
We do get signs, we do get help, we do meet amazing people, we do come across inspiring words and sentences and part of our job is to want to see the signs and make them ours because we need them on our journey. It doesn't really matter to explain the mechanics behind them - To me, this is some kind of magic - What matters is that if you look, if you decide to see, you'll understand they are there when you need them!
Of course we need time. Of course it's not from one day to another. It's been 6 years for me and up until yesterday I thought I had healed all of it when suddenly this overwhelm rushed from nowhere and tears kept flowing through. We all need time to heal. And on your healing journey, look up, try different perspectives, look for the signs and understand the rain is a necessary, natural and beautiful process even in great sadness, knowing that the sun - always - shines through eventually.
"Just look around the whole wide world
So many beautiful things to see
Take my hand and come along
Spread some love with me"
