People won’t understand your pain
People won’t understand your pain. People will hurt you with their words. People will tell you that they know your pain when they don’t. And that’s OK. That’s OK because they don’t know what you’re going through the same way you don’t know what they’re going through in their own life. We humans are masters at wearing masks. We’re masters at saying we’re OK when we’re not. And that’s not OK. That’s not OK to push your pain down to fit others around you. To not be hurt. Because you’re allowed to not be OK when you have to process stuff. We all do. We’ve just weirdly decided that it was best for us to play a “all the time happy all the time positive” role instead and lose ourselves a bit more everyday.
It’s important to understand that someone else can never understand what you’re going through, that you can never expect from them the right gestures, the right actions, the right words, because you might not get what you want. You need to learn to give that to yourself instead. To understand what feels good to you. To find out what helps your in those moments. And do it, serving yourself and your well-being above all else.
I’ve been seeing thousands of posts about what to say and what not to say to women going through such challenges in their lives and I feel this only wrongs us in thinking that other people “should know” what to say and how to react when they don’t. Sometimes they will and sometimes they won’t. And that’s just how it is. And that’s OK. Have you ever felt that you didn’t know what to say to your friend going through a challenging situation? Maybe you decided to not say anything and just gave a loving hug? Maybe you said something and straightaway thought how the words didn’t come out the best way when all of your heart was there… It’s the same thing for all of us.
Seek nature as your best friends. Look to surround yourself with people that will give you space. That will just give you a hug. That maybe won’t even say a word. They don’t need to understand you. And the thing is they really can’t. That’s why I stopped long ago to say “I understand what you’re going through” to other people. Of course we try and I do that everyday with the women I work with, but I can never be in their shoes. Only us can be in our own shoes, with our own upbringing, with our own fears, with our own doubts, with our own desires and our own hopes. And it’s the same for every single human on this planet. So why are we hurting ourselves in thinking that the other should have the solution to our own pain?
And this might even happen with your closest people, they might not understand why now, they might find it weird that you suddenly feel sad or whatever you’re feeling out of nowhere. And that’s OK. That’s not their job to take care of you. That’s not they job to tell you to go for a walk. That’s not their job to offer your what usually helps in those moments. That’s only yours. And that’s so important that we all understand that. It’s always your responsibility to take care of yourself and not anyone else’s.
Create the best surroundings that will help you in these moments. Take your mask off. Be true to yourself. Pour your heart out. Stop. Move. Cry. Scream. Write. Breathe. Do what you need to do to feel what you need to feel. And always, always do it for you.
The more of us that decide to do that, the more we’ll give permission to other women to naturally do the same.
