Why do we relive similar experiences over and over again?
"I'm not good enough", "I don't belong" and "what I want is not available to me" are three messages usually deeply embedded in us since childhood.
As we grow and develop into adulthood, we carry with us these early messages and what happens is that we subconsciously place ourselves in situations or with people that confirm the same messages and perpetuate over and over again identical inner emotions.
Why do we do that?
Because this is familiar, it's what we've learnt and we know how to survive in that kind of environment - despite the fact it's not healthy and even destructive for us. As Marisa Peer says: "We learnt what we lived and then we go out into the world and find people who match our beliefs".
Earlier this week I had a conversation with a lady that supports families transform their lives by helping them move to safer countries. She was telling me that despite the fact that they actively help them technically and emotionally by preparing them to get the clear and healthy mindset needed for the big move to be successful, some families still decide to move back only after a few months. Usually, the decision is taken by one of the adults that doesn't manage to adapt.
Technically all went for the best. Smooth move, a welcoming country that they start loving deeply mainly because it is safer for themselves and their children. Both adults found a new job and the kids love their new teachers.
What went wrong you ask? Why did they still decide to move back within the first 12 months?
Well, mainly because they don't think they deserve to be there and to have a better quality of life. Everyday, when they look around them, all seems unfamiliar and send them over and over again the message that they don't belong. Knowing there is a way out can sometimes be overwhelming and scary.
We can change everything around us, the environment, the people, but if we stay the same, if we don't transform ourselves in the process, we'll end up looking at everything as unfamiliar and feel that we don't have the right to be there and to live that life. Even if this is what we dream of, we'll end up going back to what's familiar and seems safe.
This is why it's essential for all of us to look into ourselves and find out what we believe and feel about ourselves so we can transform our lives and relationships for the better. We all deserve so much more than we think! We just have to believe it...
