You don't want to be his mom
Today I feel pulled to write about this. If you ask me why, I'll tell you it's because sometimes, when you're expecting it the least, this dynamic can sneak into your relationship always as a reminder that something needs to change.
You may have felt triggered by the title and I'm sorry about that but I really wanted you to read this. I'm not talking about your baby, I'm talking about your husband, your partner, the person you share your life with. You don't want to be his mom.
A few months ago I participated in a Family Constellations session - which is a modality I've loved to get to know better. I previously understood how the polarity dynamics can impact so many things in relationships, but from that day, I got an even deeper insight into it. It became very clear to me that if the relationship dynamic of the couple was a "Mothering" / "Child" like dynamic, it might not leave space for a baby to come into the relationship - as if the child's "space" was already "occupied". Let me go deeper into this:
We're all the result of our upbringing, of the example of a relationship between a man and a woman we saw as we were growing up and the many decisions we took to create a similar one, to "never be like our mother" or even "never accept a man like our father".
We all have our own scratches, fears, doubts, desires and hopes.
We all have our own definition of what it is to be a woman, a partner, a wife, a mother.
What I want for you here, is to start to question all of the above - What's really yours? What isn't yours? What is it that you've decided to do because you thought you should do it (but that deep inside you resent)? What is it that you truly want for your life and for your relationship?
It's so easy for all of us to fall into to familiar, the known and reproduce what we've seen. The woman who does everything, who works and takes care of every one else and everything else but her, who never complains - until one day she falls apart. It's so easy to reproduce what we've seen happening again and again with so many women before us. But that doesn't mean it's right. It just means we need to learn to do differently.
And when you think about it, this is the exact image of a women our partners where brought up with - most of the times. One that always takes care of herself last.
What you can do:
From today onward, ask yourself: How is this "Mothering" energy dynamics showing up (or not) in my life, in my relationship and in my work?
Learn to have more open, honest and regular conversations with your partner about the possible consequences of staying in a "Mothering" / "Child" like dynamic.
Recognize that you can't control anyone else but you or force anyone else to make choices or take actions you believe are right or better (most especially when it comes to your partner).
Set clear, healthy boundaries for yourself as an essential form of self-care and always show love and respect for yourself first.
Learn to say NO to others (whoever it may be) when it means saying YES to yourself.
